A couple of months after my miscarriage, we tried artificial insemination again. Again a pregnancy. Understandably, I was afraid I would lose this one as well. Unlike the first pregnancy, though, there were good signs--good blood work, good ultrasounds. Still, I was terrified and engulfed in anxiety and told no one but my husband. He was under strict orders not to tell anyone. Around Christmastime, I started spotting a little. I was sure I was going to have another miscarriage and just prayed it wouldn't happen on Christmas, to ruin Christmas forever.
However, time went on, and ultrasounds continued to look good. I was nauseous and extremely tired, which I took as good signs. I still hadn't told anyone, although my husband had told some family members. Finally, when I was showing too much to hide it anymore, I let my bump show and was encouraged by how much I felt my baby move and how active he was. It turned out to be a perfect pregnancy, with no problems whatsoever.
My doctor wanted to induce labor two weeks early due to my "advanced maternal age," so we scheduled the day. The morning before that day, I went into labor on my own. My son ended up being born on the morning he was scheduled to be induced. He arrived crying, healthy, active. One moment I will never forget is the moment the doctor laid him crying in my lap. I spoke to him, and he opened his eyes, looked at me, and stopped crying. He recognized my voice. The doctor looked up to be sure he was okay. Just a few seconds later he was crying again, and all I could feel was relief and exhaustion.
Sunday, June 10, 2018
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Purpose of this Blog
The reason I've begun this blog is to share my and my husband's journey in having a baby. Fighting inferfility impacts a couple physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and financially. Perhaps this blog can offer encouragement or advice to someone who is battling this roadblock called infertility.
Friday, June 12, 2009
A Late Start
I got married when I was 32, which is late in life compared to my friends. However, if it was God's will that I got married at this age, and I believe it was, then this was just the right time and age.
My husband and I decided to wait a year before we started trying to have a baby. Even with what I know now, I think we still would have waited--the first year of marriage is hard enough without adding the stress of trying to get pregnant. Around the time we would have been beginning to try, I had an abnormal pap smear. It was dysplasia, which means that there were some abnormal cells that might turn cancerous in years to come. It was upsetting at the time, but I had cryosurgery, and all my pap smears since then have been normal. After the cryosurgery, it takes about a month for the body to heal, so that meant no sex. After this ordeal, my doctor wanted me to come off the pill and use another kind of birth control for two months before my husband and I started trying to have a baby. I used the sponge during this time.
Finally, we could start trying--this was October of 2004. By "trying," I mean that we weren't using any kind of birth control and were having sex about twice a week. My doctor said this should be often enough. Several months went by, and I can remember breaking down one night and admitting to my husband that I was afraid I wouldn't be able to get pregnant.
My husband and I decided to wait a year before we started trying to have a baby. Even with what I know now, I think we still would have waited--the first year of marriage is hard enough without adding the stress of trying to get pregnant. Around the time we would have been beginning to try, I had an abnormal pap smear. It was dysplasia, which means that there were some abnormal cells that might turn cancerous in years to come. It was upsetting at the time, but I had cryosurgery, and all my pap smears since then have been normal. After the cryosurgery, it takes about a month for the body to heal, so that meant no sex. After this ordeal, my doctor wanted me to come off the pill and use another kind of birth control for two months before my husband and I started trying to have a baby. I used the sponge during this time.
Finally, we could start trying--this was October of 2004. By "trying," I mean that we weren't using any kind of birth control and were having sex about twice a week. My doctor said this should be often enough. Several months went by, and I can remember breaking down one night and admitting to my husband that I was afraid I wouldn't be able to get pregnant.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
The Diagnosis
After we'd been trying for six months or a year, I really don't remember exactly, my doctor suspected I had endometriosis and wanted to do a laparoscopy to check for it. I remember waking up in the recovery area after the procedure was over, and the first thing I saw was the clock on the wall--I remember thinking that the procedure must have taken awhile, which meant he probably found some problems. The doctor told my husband and mom that he had found endometriosis and had removed as much as he could, and that also one of my tubes was blocked. When I heard this, I was a little surprised, because I didn't think he would find endometriosis--I didn't have the severe pain that many women have with it. I was concerned, but not devastated; at least now we knew what we were dealing with, and since my doctor had removed some of the scar tissue, my chances of getting pregnant were better now. My doctor wanted us to try again on our own for about three months.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Lupron
More time went by, and still nothing, so my doctor wanted to treat the endometriosis with a drug called Lupron. This monthly injection would stop me from ovulating, which meant the endometriosis should begin to shrink. The obstacle here was the cost--$500. per month, and the treatment would last six months. My husband and I couldn't pay this, so I began to research drug cards and different types of assistance. Finally, I found a Lupron assistance program that looked promising, and I asked my doctor to fill out the paperwork and write the letter. My doctor and his nurse didn't seem too hopeful that I would get the assistance, since my husband's and my income was on the borderline of the qualifying income level, but they did the paperwork for me. Weeks went by, and I got a call from Michelle, my doctor's nurse: I was approved for the assistance! I would get Lupron at absolutely no cost. We were surprised and thankful.
I began the montly injections and experienced the expected side effects, which were much like menopause: hot flashes, dry skin, and lack of vaginal lubrication. It wasn't awful, just bothersome. In my research on Lupron, I found that some people have serious side effects, but thankfully, I didn't.
It was also during these monthly visits to the doctor's office that I began to get to know Michelle, the nurse, better. She would play a vital role in the months to come.
I began the montly injections and experienced the expected side effects, which were much like menopause: hot flashes, dry skin, and lack of vaginal lubrication. It wasn't awful, just bothersome. In my research on Lupron, I found that some people have serious side effects, but thankfully, I didn't.
It was also during these monthly visits to the doctor's office that I began to get to know Michelle, the nurse, better. She would play a vital role in the months to come.
Monday, June 8, 2009
Additional Helps
After the Lupron treatment was over and my cycle had returned to normal, my doctor wanted us to try again on our own for three months. I believe it was about this point that I started incorporating additional helps: ovulation tests and nutritional supplements. I had tried the ovulation scope before--this is a small telescope that you place your saliva on, and the patterns in the saliva tell you when you're ovulating--but found it difficult to use and inaccurate. I liked the ovulation test strips much better; they indicate your most fertile two or three days. I had my husband take a supplement called Fertility Blend, which seemed to have the most scientific validity of all that I looked at. I didn't take the Fertility Blend for Women because my hormone levels were good, and I didn't want to throw off anything. However, I did begin to take bee propolis, which has been found in a scientific study to help women with endometriosis, coenzyme Q10, and fish oil. There are many supplements out there that may or may not improve fertility, but you have to be careful that you don't do more harm than good. Some of the supplements alter your hormone levels, so you have to do your research and ask your doctor. However, I found that if it wasn't FDA approved, my doctor and nurse knew nothing about it. If you do decide to begin taking supplements, it usually takes several months for them to begin to help you.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
The Jeep, the Boat, and the Helicopter
After the Lupron, we tried on our own again for a few months. Again, nothing. We were at the point where the doctor had done all he could do as far as treatment; now we had to decide how far we were willing to go to have a baby. I knew about artificial insemination and in vitro--I have some moral issues with in vitro, so I didn't really want to go that route. In in vitro, after the eggs are inseminated in a lab, the embryos that look less viable are thrown out, and this is one part I have a problem with. I also have a problem with freezing the embryos that aren't used.
I was under the assumption that artificial insemination cost about as much as in vitro, so my husband and I reasoned that if we were going to spend thousands of dollars, we might as well go with the procedure that is more likely to work. Maybe, I thought, a doctor would be willing to respect my beliefs about throwing out and freezing embryos.
While reasoning through all this, always in the back of my mind was the issue of faith--was considering these medical procedures showing a lack of faith that God could make me pregnant? Or a distrust that God would not make me pregnant? I thought of the women in the Bible who were barren but were touched by God: Sarah, Hannah, and Elizabeth, for example. I knew God could do it if he would. I also knew that God works through other people and medical technology. I thought of the story of the man whose home was being overtaken by flood waters. A state trooper in a Jeep knocked on the man's door and told him to evacuate; the man said, "God will save me." A few hours later the water was running through the man's first floor, and the coast guard pulled up to his second story window in a boat, but he sent them away, saying, "God will save me." A little later, the man was on his roof, with floodwaters ravaging his house. A helicopter flew over and dangled a ladder, but the man waved it off. The man was swept away and drowned, and when he got to heaven, he angrily confronted God: "Why didn't you do anything to save me?" God said, "I didn't do anything? I sent a jeep, a boat and a helicopter."
I soon talked on the phone with Michelle, my doctor's nurse. I led her through my thought process about artificial inseminatin and in vitro, and she told me that artificial insemination cost only a couple of hundred dollars, not thousands like in vitro, and they had had some success with it. So, we decided to try it.
I was under the assumption that artificial insemination cost about as much as in vitro, so my husband and I reasoned that if we were going to spend thousands of dollars, we might as well go with the procedure that is more likely to work. Maybe, I thought, a doctor would be willing to respect my beliefs about throwing out and freezing embryos.
While reasoning through all this, always in the back of my mind was the issue of faith--was considering these medical procedures showing a lack of faith that God could make me pregnant? Or a distrust that God would not make me pregnant? I thought of the women in the Bible who were barren but were touched by God: Sarah, Hannah, and Elizabeth, for example. I knew God could do it if he would. I also knew that God works through other people and medical technology. I thought of the story of the man whose home was being overtaken by flood waters. A state trooper in a Jeep knocked on the man's door and told him to evacuate; the man said, "God will save me." A few hours later the water was running through the man's first floor, and the coast guard pulled up to his second story window in a boat, but he sent them away, saying, "God will save me." A little later, the man was on his roof, with floodwaters ravaging his house. A helicopter flew over and dangled a ladder, but the man waved it off. The man was swept away and drowned, and when he got to heaven, he angrily confronted God: "Why didn't you do anything to save me?" God said, "I didn't do anything? I sent a jeep, a boat and a helicopter."
I soon talked on the phone with Michelle, my doctor's nurse. I led her through my thought process about artificial inseminatin and in vitro, and she told me that artificial insemination cost only a couple of hundred dollars, not thousands like in vitro, and they had had some success with it. So, we decided to try it.
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